Is She Taken? How to tell if that’s her brother, friend, or boyfriend sitting next to her.

6 Nov

Good afternoon, folks! Hope everyone is enjoying the extra hour from DST today by sleeping in or reading or drinking an extra brewski (yes, I still use that word and I like it).

I recently took a girls’ weekend to New Orleans to hang with my fav lady friends and we got to discussing the topic of ‘how do you know if someone is taken or not?’ I mean, if you’re at a public place and you see her hanging with a guy…do you automatically dismiss her? It could be a brother or a friend so you’re going to have to read into the body language.

First off, it never hurts to ask. At the very least she will feel flattered and the boyfriend will feel lucky he has such a desirable gal. You can be blunt and come right out and say “Are you with that guy?” Again, even if she is, she will smile and feel good about herself. Trust.

If you’re too shy to do that, check out the body language. Look for a ring. Guys often forget what hand means what when it comes to wedding rings so here’s a little trick you can use.

Left = Love. The hand that forms an “L” (think back to kind-e-garden) also stands for LOVE, and is also the hand that signifies she is engaged. To know whether or not she is married is a little trickier these days. Traditionally there is a wedding ‘band’ that is smaller than the big rock that fits right under the engagement ring. This will also be on the left hand on her ring finger. Some women nowadays decide that the engagement ring is prize enough and forego the wedding band altogether. How confusing, right?

Hilary and Kim K really set the bar, no?

To add one more layer of complexity – if she is wearing a ring on her right hand and ring finger – this is often a ‘promise ring’ or a ‘commitment ring’. Meaning the boyfriend has indicated plans to commit, but they aren’t engaged yet. Promise rings are generally smaller in size. Unless of course you are Jennifer Aniston.

Men, if you're lucky enough to snag JA, go right for the engagement ring


There’s also a little game I’ve heard guys like to play that goes something like this: “It doesn’t matter if she has a ring – she’s still fair game.” So not true, and so sleezy. We can smell your sleeze from across the bar. SHOO.

Check out her body language and how much she is smiling. Is she leaning into him and facing him? Girls don’t normally laugh and flash their pearly whites at their brothers. Is she sitting across the table from him or right next to him? You have to train your eye to detect chemistry. Are they brushing up against each other? Does she touch his arm while she’s laughing? Is she playing with her hair nervously?

This girl is acting like we're together, barf! Come take her dude.

Does she have a wandering eye? If she’s checking out other guys at the bar and looking in your direction, that gives you the right to believe she’s single. That probably means she’s with a friend only.

Watch the drinks.

Is he constantly running to get her drinks, or do they take turns going to the bar? If it’s a boyfriend, he should be restocking the supply. If it’s a friend, they will likely trade off paying for each other.

If you’ve checked out all these items and you’re still not sure, wait until he goes to the bathroom and make a break for it. Go right on up and ask her if she’s seeing that guy. Do not be afraid of rejection, because the worst thing you are doing is making her feel pretty and desired. The end.

PS New Orleans was awesome. Lotta this:

uuuuh…yum? Beam me up Scotty? Can I say that with a martini?

And this:

arggh! Put me down before I claw you! Hissss!

5 Responses to “Is She Taken? How to tell if that’s her brother, friend, or boyfriend sitting next to her.”

  1. Skinny Pete November 6, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    I thought most guys get the drinks for girls anyway. How does watching them help? Also isn’t it rude to jump at the chance to talk to a girl as soon as the guy leaves for the bathroom? What do you do if he comes back?

    • engineermylove November 6, 2011 at 8:01 pm #

      Most guys SHOULD get drinks for the girls, but it doesn’t always happen. When we are out with friends we do take turns and buy each other beers.

      It’s not rude to go talk to a girl, especially when you don’t know the situation. What if you are missing out on talking to your future wife?!?!

      If you find out she’s taken…kindly smile and say “well that’s too bad” and walk away. If she’s single and the guy comes back, shake his hand and introduce yourself. Be a man about it. Then stick around and continue to get to know the girl.

  2. Mindy November 7, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

    Ah, I love your site! There are so many things guys are just clueless on! BTW, that right hand ring… might just be a gift from her Grandma, so don’t let that stop you from asking her *coughmecough*

    • engineermylove November 8, 2011 at 9:13 pm #

      Thanks Mindy! Yes – good point. Don’t let a right hand ring stop you!!

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