Is She Taken? How to tell if that’s her brother, friend, or boyfriend sitting next to her.

6 Nov

Good afternoon, folks! Hope everyone is enjoying the extra hour from DST today by sleeping in or reading or drinking an extra brewski (yes, I still use that word and I like it).

I recently took a girls’ weekend to New Orleans to hang with my fav lady friends and we got to discussing the topic of ‘how do you know if someone is taken or not?’ I mean, if you’re at a public place and you see her hanging with a guy…do you automatically dismiss her? It could be a brother or a friend so you’re going to have to read into the body language.

First off, it never hurts to ask. At the very least she will feel flattered and the boyfriend will feel lucky he has such a desirable gal. You can be blunt and come right out and say “Are you with that guy?” Again, even if she is, she will smile and feel good about herself. Trust.

If you’re too shy to do that, check out the body language. Look for a ring. Guys often forget what hand means what when it comes to wedding rings so here’s a little trick you can use.

Left = Love. The hand that forms an “L” (think back to kind-e-garden) also stands for LOVE, and is also the hand that signifies she is engaged. To know whether or not she is married is a little trickier these days. Traditionally there is a wedding ‘band’ that is smaller than the big rock that fits right under the engagement ring. This will also be on the left hand on her ring finger. Some women nowadays decide that the engagement ring is prize enough and forego the wedding band altogether. How confusing, right?

Hilary and Kim K really set the bar, no?

To add one more layer of complexity – if she is wearing a ring on her right hand and ring finger – this is often a ‘promise ring’ or a ‘commitment ring’. Meaning the boyfriend has indicated plans to commit, but they aren’t engaged yet. Promise rings are generally smaller in size. Unless of course you are Jennifer Aniston.

Men, if you're lucky enough to snag JA, go right for the engagement ring

Yowza.

There’s also a little game I’ve heard guys like to play that goes something like this: “It doesn’t matter if she has a ring – she’s still fair game.” So not true, and so sleezy. We can smell your sleeze from across the bar. SHOO.

Check out her body language and how much she is smiling. Is she leaning into him and facing him? Girls don’t normally laugh and flash their pearly whites at their brothers. Is she sitting across the table from him or right next to him? You have to train your eye to detect chemistry. Are they brushing up against each other? Does she touch his arm while she’s laughing? Is she playing with her hair nervously?

This girl is acting like we're together, barf! Come take her dude.

Does she have a wandering eye? If she’s checking out other guys at the bar and looking in your direction, that gives you the right to believe she’s single. That probably means she’s with a friend only.

Watch the drinks.

Is he constantly running to get her drinks, or do they take turns going to the bar? If it’s a boyfriend, he should be restocking the supply. If it’s a friend, they will likely trade off paying for each other.

If you’ve checked out all these items and you’re still not sure, wait until he goes to the bathroom and make a break for it. Go right on up and ask her if she’s seeing that guy. Do not be afraid of rejection, because the worst thing you are doing is making her feel pretty and desired. The end.

PS New Orleans was awesome. Lotta this:

uuuuh…yum? Beam me up Scotty? Can I say that with a martini?

And this:

arggh! Put me down before I claw you! Hissss!
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In Heat

28 Sep

This is your friendly neighborhood reminder to make sure you are paying attention to a subtle yet important item: the temperature of the room. You want to get her naked, do ya? Pay attention!

In my non-internet life I dabble in photography. One time I was at a photo studio and the owner said something that will always stick with me. He looked at the models in their strapless mini-dresses and then turned to me and said, “The models control the temperature.” It makes sense, of course, but it didn’t cross my mind as something to always think about, to make sure they are comfortable.

Well, what applies in life applies to dating (deep, I know). The best guys out there pay attention to our body temperatures.

Look for goosebumps.

Grow up already!!!

(source 1, 2)

Crossed arms are a sure sign she’s chilly (or pissed! watch out!).

Can't you tell I'm having a great time on this date?

Offer her your jacket.

Come on Kev, give it up!

aaaand boom goes the dynamite

(source 1, 2)

If you’re drinking wine and she starts glowing red, open a window.

*pant pant* it's gettin hot in hrrr

If you live in the Midwest, ship me some Caribou coffee let her stay inside while you go start and warm the car.

I hope that's not your car 😦 but at least you get gentleman points

And, most importantly, if you want to have sex with her, make sure your room is warm enough. We know you guys are gorillas and your body temp never ever drops.  But ours does, and moreso with every article of clothing. I’m not kidding here, she will be 100x more comfortable getting down and dirty if she can take off her bra without crossing her arms for every last bit of warmth. If she dives under the covers the second her shirt comes off, you know it’s too cold. And NO, that does not mean you can just jump on top of her to keep her warm. You have to romance her first. Those are the rules.

And no, I don’t care if you sweat your balls off in the process of keeping her comfortable. You need to show her that YOU are the guy who notices every little thing and you go out of your way for her. Trust. 🙂

Movie Love: Weird Science (She’s Alive!!!!)

3 Sep

I just can’t help myself! Sometimes I have to go a little bit off topic. Can we just take a moment to remember how AWESOME Weird Science was? I mean, come on…

Bras on Heads

Hey Gary, guess my cup size!

(source)

Scary brothers named Chet, who turn into blob creatures

I'll be good, change me back!

(source)

Frozen Grandparents…

Hey grandma, grandpa

(source)

Nerds getting the girl!

Umm, score!!!!!

(source)

Not my personal highlight, but I’m sure some of all you guys appreciated this little lady too…

She’s alive! Wee-iii-iirrrrd!!!

(source)

Can you guys guess what I watched this weekend? Y’all are geniuses! That is all. 🙂

Easy, Effective Pickup Line that Works

23 Aug

So you’re at an event, see a hottie-patottie standing next to you, and you suddenly get a little choked up inside. Did someone just turn up the heat? God I hope I remembered to put on deodorant.

Now she makes eye contact, so timing is of the essence. What do you say?

Time to memorize the easiest, most casual conversation starter in the world:

“So, what are you drinking?”

I'm a hottie, watcha gonna say???

Why it works

Assuming she’s not drinking water (do check!) it’s an easy way for you to show interest in her. It’s not too forthcoming and you don’t have to feel like a creep. Once she answers, it opens up the door for you to have a casual conversation back and forth.

*Bonus Points*

Make sure you actually listen to her response! Chances are you will be buying her a drink later that night and it would be embarrassing to have to ask her again.

So, what are YOU drinkin??? Bottoms up!

When NOT to hoof it: HEELS

22 Aug

listen for the *click click*

Why should you care about heels, you ask? Great question!

Part of being a good date is thinking like a girl and taking her needs into consideration. We wear heels because it makes us feel sexy, tall, and confident. However, as you can imagine, they are NOT comfortable and we can’t go all night without secretly dying inside! So what can you do about it?

First, just notice. Is she wearing heels? Likely, yes. From here on out, think about shortest distances and flat surfaces. I once had a date maneuver me around a grate while walking on a sidewalk in NY because he paid attention and didn’t want me to get stuck. I immediately smiled because he had the smarts to protect me. Think about elevators instead of stairs and stay away from any dirt paths.

More suggestions:

  • Valet – If it’s a jog from the parking lot to the restaurant, fork over the cash for valet parking. You will save her pretty toes and keep her in a good mood.
  • Save the walk – If she’s dressed up in heels, it’s not the night to take a mile-long walk around the lake. Instead, find a bench or somewhere she can sit.
  • Plan ahead – if you want to take her on an active date, that’s great, just let her know ahead of time not to wear heels and to dress appropriately.

This is a subtlety that most guys miss. When you take note, we feel like you have experience, and we thank you. 🙂

Pre-Date Checklist

17 Aug

Ok, men! You’re about to walk out that door to go meet your date. Here’s a quick and dirty pre-date checklist for you. Some of these may seem obvious, but trust me, you’d be surprised how many guys show up without cash and we are stuck waiting at the bar for the card to be run through. These items should become second nature to you, much like a pilot’s checklist.

[ ] Groom and Shave

Do you ever wonder why you see those multi-purpose trimmers near the check-out lanes? It’s because you need them. If you don’t already own one, pick up a nose hair trimmer. Do a double check before your date. We notice everything and you don’t want to look unkempt. Nose hair, ear hair, and back of the neck hair gross us out. Most guys have it, but the good ones keep it under wraps!

Along the same line, make sure you are clean-shaven when you pick up your date. It shows you took the time and you want your face to be smooth (you never know if you will be kissing later!).

[ ] Check your Breath

The best way to check your breath is not to blow in your hands, but to lick the back of your hand and smell. This will give you most accurate representation. Always brush your teeth, floss, and use mouthwash before a date. Nothing kills the mood like bad breath. Not a bad idea to bring some gum/mints along as well.

[ ] Deodorant

You stink! And you’re going to be sweating, so be conscious of your body odor. I personally love the smell of Axe and Gillette antiperspirants, but anything is fine. Just make sure you put it on.

[ ] Cash and quarters in the car

Do you have cash on hand? If not, you better stop at the ATM before you meet her. Cash will give you the upper-hand, in a James Bond sort of way. Having cash ready tells us you put in effort and were prepared for the date. It also means we don’t have to wait around for you to get your card back and sign. Carrying cash makes us feel like you make big money, as well. If you know you will be street-parking, you better have quarters ready in the car. Do NOT ask her to shuffle around in her purse for change! You are treating her, remember?

[ ] Clothes and Shoes

Look for a separate article dedicated entirely to this topic. In short, make sure you match and look nice. Also, make sure your shoes aren’t all scuffed up. We notice, and we want to be with a classy guy. So bring the class.

There you have it. Hit the checks and reel her in!! Good luck, boys!

How soon should you call her?

16 Aug

So you got her number? Congrats! But now what? How long do you wait until you call? Should you call or text? If she doesn’t answer, do you leave a message or try back later? But what if somehow the phone service screwed up and she never saw that you tried to call????!!!!

Listen up, boys. I’m going to make this really simple. Forget everything that you learned from teen movies about 3-day rules. Forget what your friends told you. Forget about worrying how you might come across. If you got her number, you need to call her within 24 hours. I said it and I will repeat it again and again. If you want her, and you are interested, call that girl the VERY next day.

The 24-hour Rule

Call your girl within 24 hours, no exceptions. It doesn’t matter if she gave you her number over email through on-line dating or if you had a great first date and want to follow-up. 24 HOURS!!!! Please, this is not something you want to procrastinate on.

Here’s how we see it. Let’s say you asked us out on a date, and maybe we were on the fence but we said yes and gave you our phone number. From the time we leave the bar/event/bookstore/whatever until the next evening, you are on our minds. We are wondering…what is that guy like? Maybe I shouldn’t have given out my real number. What will I say if he calls????

We don’t forget about you, and our minds have 20 different trains of thoughts going on at any given minute. Believe me, you are one of them. So while 24 hours may not seem long to you, we’ve been on overdrive thinking about it. If you wait any longer than 24 hours, one of two things could happen:

1)   She will become insecure – He hasn’t called yet. Maybe he won’t think I’m cute when he sees me sober. Was it all in my head last night?? I thought we were flirting. Is he a player???

2)   She will feel like an afterthought – He waited until Monday to call me? Who does he think I am, little miss available? If he was really that into me, he would have made it a priority.

James Bond Behavior

One of the problems you will face is that most single women in their late 20’s (and older) have already been on multiple good dates. All it takes is one great man (we’ll call him James Bond) to make us feel special and – BAM! – the bar is set. From that date forward, we expect every man from there on out to be just as good, if not better, than that one instance. It’s my job to let you all know what the James Bonds of the world are doing so that you can learn. Because if James Bond is calling us within 24 hours after a great night together, you better believe you should be too.

Call don’t Text

At the beginning of a relationship, always call. Don’t worry, I’m a huge fan of texting, but that comes later. Call so she can hear your voice. There is nothing that says you are confident, excited, and even a little bit vulnerable (which we like) than you initiating the first phone call.

Example

[7:00pm Thursday] – You have been messaging online back and forth with a girl from match.com and have thrown around the idea of meeting. She seems into you, responds fairly quickly and consistently to you, and she ends the email with “…I’d be open to chatting on the phone sometime (650-867-5309). -Jenny”

[7:01pm Thursday] – Your phone tells you about the new message and you read it instantly.

You: SCOOOOOORE! I got her digits!!! *Happy dance* I got her num-ber. I got her num-ber. SH*T!#$% What do I do now? She said she would want to talk sometime, that sounds kind of casual…maybe I should play it cool and wait it out?

WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong. That ‘casual’ vibe you are getting is going through a girl filter. She really wants you to call her, but she doesn’t want to seem desperate. This is passive-aggressiveness at work. Remember your training!!!

[1:00pm Friday] – Meanwhile, back at her place…

Her: Hmm I wonder if he got my message? What if he calls me RIGHT NOW?? I’m at work…sh*t!! Ok, calm down, he won’t call you yet. But I’m keeping my phone by me just in case.

(ring, ring)

AHHHH THAT’S HIM!! OH wait, oh god no, it’s just my best friend. GOD I thought this was it.

…continues nonstop all day long, hour after hour….

[6:00pm Friday]

You: Hmm… I remember something about a 24-hour rule. I don’t want to seem desperate. Should I really call her?

YES, YES you should! She’s starting to doubt herself. James Bond would have phone-in-hand right now! Go!!!!

[6:30pm Friday] – After you ran a few scenarios in your head, and are now sweating balls…

(ring, ring)

Her: OMFG!! This is it, it’s a number I don’t recognize! “Hello…?”

You: “Hi, is this Jenny?”

Her: “Yes.”

You: “Hi, this is Zack, I wanted to call and introduce myself over the phone”

Her: “Oh Hi Zach! How’s it going??…”

Success. Keep the first call about 10 minutes long. You don’t want to tell your life story right away. Give her a hint and then let her think about it.

Remember…24 hours!!!!!